


forgotten

by trulymadlydeeplylou



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bottom Harry, Established Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles Loves Louis Tomlinson, Larry Stylinson Is Real, Liam Payne & Louis Tomlinson Friendship, Louis Tomlinson Loves Harry Styles, M/M, Mentioned OT5 (One Direction), Niall Horan & Harry Styles Friendship, Niall Horan & Liam Payne Friendship, Niall Horan & Louis Tomlinson Friendship, Niall Horan & Zayn Malik Friendship, Non-Famous Louis Tomlinson, OT5, OT5 Friendship (One Direction), One Direction Preferences, One Direction References, Prince Harry Styles, Top Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik & Harry Styles Friendship, Zayn Malik & Liam Payne Friendship, Zayn Malik & Louis Tomlinson Friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:33:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29359575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trulymadlydeeplylou/pseuds/trulymadlydeeplylou
Summary: forget/fəˈɡɛt/verb: fail to remember.an accident happens. meaning the boy harry loves can’t even remember his damned name. but he won’t leave. he won’t dare. it’s torture loving someone that doesn’t love you back, but harry will sacrifice anything and everything for louis to love him again. and he’s just praying that it will be enough.ever since louis woke up, he’s felt unfulfilled. like he has no purpose in this dull world. he’s afraid harry can’t show him what it’s like to live. but maybe, just maybe, he’s very wrong.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for choosing my book :)
> 
> PLEASE READ!  
> disclaimers:  
> this book is for mature audiences only. reader discretion is advised.  
> everything in this book is fiction. the way louis acts is NOT factual to medical expectations: i'm aware it's not always accurate.  
> writing in bold is harry's memories: they don't have a specific time stamp unless mentioned.  
> lowercase writing is intentional.

falling for louis wasn't falling at all. it was harry walking into a house and suddenly realising he was home.

harry even promised himself he wouldn't fall in love with louis. but it was the early hours of the morning, and they were laughing way too hard, harry felt completely content with louis: and he knew he was screwed. the most beautiful part is, harry wasn't even looking when he found him. louis was just the cute older boy down the road that quickly grew to be a friend. harry didn't intend on falling in love with him. quite simply, he didn't want to fall in love; he didn't want anything. but then he got this insane feeling, whenever he was around him, and he started wanting everything. harry never really craved attention until he tasted louis'.

if there's one thing he's sure of, he is sure that louis always belonged with him. he knew he did from that first moment they met. it was... not love at first sight exactly, but he knew he was louis'. like: oh, hello, it's you. it's always going to be you. end of.

and harry needs him. not in ways to survive, but in ways that make life worth living. who would he be if louis left him that night? he would answer that question, but he doesn't think that's possible. harry doesn't even want to think about it.

the worst thing was when louis opened his beautiful, blue eyes and looked at harry confused.

**"you're okay, breathe. you're okay." harry reassures, grabbing his hand to calm him down.**

**"where am i?" louis asks muffled, "who are you?"**

yeah... that definitely hurt the most.

whoever said "people will never forget how you made them feel" is crazy. they have been together since they were teenagers, harry's made louis feel: he's made him feel love. yet here louis is, unable to recognise him, unable to recall any memories of him.

louis is awake again now, scared to go home with harry- a stranger- and confused as to why he's in the hospital. the doctors explained it to him, harry explained it to him. harry thinks he's in denial, he doesn't want to eat, he doesn't want to talk, he just sits there and stares at the walls. i guess he's still thinking.

he's so brave and so quiet and harry forgets that he's suffering.

louis grabs his cup of tea and holds it in his hands, pouting his lips before bringing the cup to his mouth and taking a large mouthful, smiling slightly. i guess some things never change. his love for harry faded, but his love for tea never will.

he takes a tatted arm and sweeps his hair over to one side, just like how he used to. harry still hasn't figured out how to sit across from him, and not be madly in love with everything he does.

harry stands up, grabbing the boy's attention as he lays in the hospital bed, looking up at him.  
"you okay, baby?" the words trail off harry's lips, the familiarity to the number of times he has comforted him like this.

"don't call me that." louis flinches.

harry's unsure which pain is worse, the shock of what happened, or the ache for what never will.

"sorry- i... i know we haven't-" stumped. absolutely stumped. harry can't even talk to him, it's too difficult.

he tries again, sitting down in the chair next to his bed as louis' eyes follow harry's. his eyes will always be harry's favourite colour. the hottest fires burn blue, and louis' eyes make no exception.

harry takes a breath. "are you okay?" he repeats.

louis doesn't say anything, just fiddles with his fingers in his lap, biting his bottom lip shut.

"i'm here." harry pleads, "you can talk to me, or not talk to me. but i'm here." he goes to grab his hand, but louis flinches so he decides to keep them in his lap.

"was i really in love with you?" louis asks shakily.

"is it so hard to believe?" harry says.

"no, it's not that. i just- i can't remember you... god why can't i remember you?" he's frustrated and harry knows he wants to cry.

harry hates getting flashbacks from things he doesn't want to remember.

"we were coming back from someone's house. one of our friend's house. you'll get to meet them later. well, we were coming back from liam's house and-"

"liam?" louis questions and harry exhales.

"one of our friends." louis nods.

"well... we were walking on the road. a completely stupid thing to do but you say you love the danger of it. it was three am and we were laughing and hugging and walking when a car came down. it was going so fast and heading straight for me and... you well...you pushed me out of the way."  
harry wants to break down at the thought but he remains calm.

"i did that?" he looks at harry, "i wanted to sacrifice my life for you?"

"guessing so." harry sighs, sniffling a bit.

"but why?" louis asks, confused.

"only you can answer that." harry shakes his head a little.

"i don't think i can tell you." louis sniffles.

louis doesn't think it makes any sense. it's crazy knowing how much you loved someone, yet here you sit, not loving them. it must be hell for harry, he thinks. he can't even begin to imagine what he's going through right now.

harry must miss louis, not in such a physical sense, but he must miss how louis was. louis wonders if he'll act differently than before. louis thinks he misses harry too. maybe not harry completely, i mean- he can't remember the damned boy. but he misses the idea of harry. he misses the idea of being in love. he misses the idea of affection and devotion.

louis is scared to go home with harry. it's crazy, the idea they live together, they have a life together. he's scared of the thought that he has to learn to love again. and to be completely honest, he doesn't know if he wants to.

in most people's cases, you fall in love and before you know it, you can't remember what life was like before them.

too bad louis doesn't remember his life with harry. to him, harry is just forgotten.

but louis thinks what's meant to be will always find a way. so maybe there's a little hope for harry and him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reminder: writing in bold is harry’s memories!

**"this is it!" louis jumps into harry's arms as he giggles.**

**"what is it?" harry laughs, holding him up as they look at their new house.**

**"this is where our life starts!" louis kisses him before harry spins the boy around, their laughs echoing as the sun beats down their skin.**

looking up at their house was a strange feeling for harry. it felt unfamiliar, like he'd never seen it before. nonetheless, his memories are still as vivid, yet he's scared they'll fade away. sometimes harry wishes he could just rewind to the old days and press pause... just for a while. not to change anything, but to feel a few things again. to feel what it was like when louis still loved him.

"this is it?" louis asks, holding his bags as he refuses to let harry carry them, saying the same thing he said before, just not in the same context.

"yeah, this is it." harry nods, not being able to see louis properly in the darkness.

louis doesn't say anything, just observes the house from the outside waiting for harry to do something. anything. he doesn't know how to act with him and it's frustrating. does harry just expect things to be like how they were before? louis feels bad he can't make harry happy, especially if he's expecting him to.

harry goes to say something but stops himself, unlocking the door. he wonders if he should let louis goes first, but decides against it and walks in, turning the lights on.

it only takes a couple of seconds before louis is inside, placing his bags on the floor and looking around.

"you... feeling okay? need to erm... lie down?" harry tries to comfort the boy stood before him but feels like he's being a waste of space.

"i'm fine." louis responds. harry hates fine. harry hates that 'fine' is just a fake smile and a small nod. louis might have well said 'i don't want to open up to you' and it would've hurt less. he wants for louis to tell him what's on his mind. he wants to be there to face louis' fears and help him overcome failures. he wants to give him the kind of love that's not distorted and fabricated, but real, raw and honest. the love they used to have.

louis thinks perhaps it's easier to smile and pretend everything is fine, rather than admit his heart's a little swollen from something he doesn't even understand.

yet here he is again, shrugging it off because he's exhausted from not understanding.

"want to... look around?" harry suggests, his eyes meeting with louis', which feels like the first time in forever.

"um... yeah." louis tries to smile.

louis takes a weary step forward, turning left and walking into the living room. harry sighs, placing his keys down and following through.

their home is rooms and walls like any other, beds, tables and chairs, yet it is only the memories they've created here that matter. the walls are the colours of the ocean and sand: somewhere they love.

louis takes a step forward and examines the wall, a picture of harry and him in the frame.

he sighs, "we look so young."

"we were," harry smiles, "i was only sixteen.”

"sixteen?" louis looks at the boy in disbelief.

"we went to school together," harry tells him, "we used to be best friends." he laughs a little at the thought.

"what?" louis takes the picture off the wall, "but we're cuddling?" he asks.

"yeah, it took us a while to... realise."

"realise? realise what?" he asks.

"i'm not exactly sure when it happened. or even when it started. all i know for sure, is that i was falling hard and i could only pray you felt the same way." harry's voice almost comes out as a whisper.

louis' ocean eyes meet with harry's, knowing that harry has felt this way the entire time, but him saying it in this way was a first time thing for louis. it felt... strange.

"... and you did." harry finishes, causing louis to gulp. louis doesn't know what to say to that. 'sorry i don't feel the same?' 'sorry i can't remember our past together?'

"we didn't tell each other for a while. i was scared to tell you because i couldn't stand the thought of losing you. i knew if you didn't feel the same, our friendship wouldn't be what it was before." harry says.

louis sighs, putting the photo back on the wall. "but?..." louis turns to him.

"but... you were in the same boat. our friends knew how we both felt, and they helped us tell each other." harry smiles.

louis wants to ask about their friends, but his throat feels dry and he can't find the ability to talk.

harry coughs slightly, knowing louis has a lot to say, he's just being careful about who he opens up to. harry feels guilty for putting louis in this situation. does he not want to know?

"i'm sorry i- i'm not trying to be rude i'm just taking everything in." louis apologises.

"no, no, don't worry about it. it's okay." harry responds, feeling sorry.

louis sighs, "so... these friends?"

harry smiles shortly, walking past the sofa and pulling another picture down. he looks at it shortly and feels as if his eyes are beginning to water, but inhales and holds it back.

"here." he simply says, handing louis the frame.

louis examines it for a couple seconds, taking the faces of the people he will eventually have to 'meet.'

"that ones zayn," harry points to the laughing boy with black hair, "and that ones liam." harry points the other boy, his hair gelled and his smile wide.

louis nods, before smiling shortly and giving the picture back to harry. "they seem cool." louis says, because to be totally honest, he didn't know what else to say about them.

"they are, you'll love them." harry smiles.

after a couple seconds of silence, louis spots something in the corner. "you play?" he asks, pointing to the guitar leant against a single sofa-chair.

harry looks over, his memories flushing back to him.

**"what's wrong?" harry holds louis' face in his hands softly.**

**"bad day at work," louis sighs, shaking his head, "it's stupid."**

**"don't say that, lou." harry encourages, but louis doesn't respond, just exhales as stress takes over him.**

**harry sighs, taking louis off the floor causing him to laugh. "what are you doing?" louis giggles.**

**harry doesn't respond, just carries him over to the chair. he sits down and turns the boy around so he's straddling him and pulls his guitar off the floor.**

**"we're going to sing." harry states, smiling.**

"when one of us are having a bad day, we'll sing together and i'll play guitar." he states, a little breathless. 

“we're we any good?" louis laughs a little.

"yeah, not too shabby. it definitely cheered us up." harry laughs back.

harry usually would grab louis' hand if he wanted them to walk someplace, but he knows that's not an option so he points his head in one direction and gets louis to follow him over to the window.

"a telescope?" louis asks, confused.

"you love the stars." harry smiles.

harry finds it easy to fall in love with the little things about someone, like the sound of their laughter or the way their smile forms. so when louis chuckled lightly and shook his head, leaning over to look through the telescope, harry felt as if his insides were doing backflips.

**"and this one," louis laughs, "this star is called humphrey."**

**harry laughs at the boy and wraps his arms around the back of his torso. "humphrey?!" harry giggles, "lou, do you really need to name every star?"**

**"i don't want the others to feel left out." louis mumbles and harry just chuckles, turning the boy around and kissing his lips deeply.**

how can it be, that harry's memories are more alive than he is?

"you would name them, you know." harry states, and louis pulls away from the telescope.

"name them?" louis laughs.

"yeah, you would name every single star." harry nods, causing louis to giggle at himself.

"why?!" he asks, still amused.

"i don't know really," harry explains, "you just did, and you always come to me for name suggestions because you could never come up with that many."

louis takes a couple of seconds to think of him doing that, laughing under his breath because that is something he would do.

"i can't remember." louis states before shaking his head. harry just looks at him deeply, hurt in a way because it's finally been said out loud.

"i'm sorry... that was stupid." louis apologises, wanting to hit himself.

"it's okay... c'mon," harry changes the subject, "you should get some sleep, our families will be round tomorrow." louis was dreading that. he was dreading looking into his mother's eyes and not remembering his entire life with her.

"i'm okay, harry. you don't have to worry."

"that's never stopped me." harry states, pushing louis through, "you need rest, the doctors said." harry tells him, getting to the stairs.

"harry, i understand you're worried and all but i'm fine. i'll take my medication, you don't need to help me." louis defends, but takes a step up the stairs anyway.

"louis, please. the doctors said you need to get sleep as soon as possible and-"

"harry. i said, you don't need to worry." louis interrupts.

"louis!" harry snaps, "just because you can't remember me, nor do you give any shit about me right now, that doesn't mean i don't care about you! i remember you, lou. i remember how when you're tired you roll your sleeves down and your eyes get heavier. i know you. to you, i'm just any other person. but to me, you're my entire world, so please just do what's best for you." harry pleads.

louis is frozen in his tracks, unaware what to do or what to say back to the hurt boy stood before him. he never knew that such a little thing as not sleeping could hurt someone so close to you. you're not your own person anymore, you're thinking for two and that confuses louis.

yet again, louis doesn't want to push it any further because harry is frustrated. louis knows it's his fault. he's the reason he can't remember anything, let alone the supposed love of his life. it's louis' fault harry is upset, he knows it.

so he just nods softly, and looks at harry with sorry eyes. "okay. i'll go to bed, i'm sorry." he says, exhaling and turning around.

"i'll sleep on the sofa." harry tells him, and begins to walk away.

louis is a couple steps up when he turns around, "oh- harry." he catches harry's attention again, making him turn around.

"yeah?" harry asks.

"... i'm sorry i can't remember the stars." louis whispers.

louis was apologising for not remembering the stars: but his heart was unsure if there was more he was sorry about.

harry just nods. "goodnight, louis."


	3. Chapter 3

louis feels useless. he's feels so useless and it's hurting. he can't remember his mother. his own mother. the woman who took care of him since the day he was born. who kissed him, tucked him into bed at night and made him soup when he was sick. a mother's love is like no other, right? some people aren't blessed with the love of a mum. louis was though, and he's so grateful for that, but at the same time he wishes he never had it. just so he doesn't have to go through the pain of seeing her, and not recognising her face.

and his sisters, they're only young. the big brother they once had now not being able to take care of them. louis doesn't want to do it. he doesn't want to see his family, at bad as it sounds. he rather go to hell and back then hurt them. he doesn't want to hurt them and he doesn't even know them. 

louis was out of it, plain and simple. his breakfast was whiskey with a rum chaser. he's just sat on the edge of the back door, letting the cold air come in, defying the use of heaters. he didn't know what time it was, or how long he's been sat here really. all he knows is that it's early hours in the morning, and that he was on the edge of passing out. his mum would be round soon, harry's mum too. louis couldn't find the will to care, he's a fuck up anyway. everybody knows it, and it'll be proven when they show up to man who can't even stand properly. 

he just drinks in silence, hoping that his answers lie at the bottom of the glass. he eventually gave up with the glass and took a chance on a bottle, and another. every swallow hits him hard, right in his head. he finds it crazy, how amazing alcohol is. the way the taste isn't so great and yet you want it more and more. louis guesses he's drunk. just a little. 

"lou? what are you doing? it's six am and you're letting all the cold air in." there's a voice. they huff softly before going to shut the glass doors. louis lifts his legs up to let them do so, but they stop midway and gasp. 

"louis? what are you doing?" they kneel down to louis' height and let out shocked, upset noise. 

louis doesn't respond. it's harry. he's looking down at him with soft and slightly annoyed eyes as he grabs the bottle and glass from him. 

"your eyes are very green."

"where did you get this?" harry sighs, putting the glasses on the counter tops. 

"olive?... no. pea?... no. emerald... ah yes, that's it... emerald." 

"louis." harry kneels down to the boy again and wipes one of his tears. "why are you drinking?" 

to harry, this is like a gunshot to the foot. not enough to kill him, but just enough to cause him suffering. louis can't be doing this. harry was just sleeping when a harsh breeze woke him up. he wasn't expecting to find him nearly passed out at the back door. 

"harry why am i," louis hiccups, "here? can't you just take me someplace where i can suffer alone?" louis' head drops but harry picks it up. 

"louis, you cant be drinking." harry wipes his tears. louis is crying. he's crying and for the first time harry doesn't know what to do. he wants to ask him if he's okay, but he has too many questions. 

"why n-not? everyone else can drink. why can't i? it was just on the shelf."

harry left it, right where louis could get to it. how could he be so stupid? this could mess everything up. 

"shit. because you can't lou, okay? you're still recovering and this could make everything worse." harry strokes his cheek, and louis doesn't back away. maybe it was just the alcohol in his system. 

"i don't care about my f-ucking recovery okay? i'm useless. i have no purpose if i can't remember anything. my whole life before me has happened and i can't remember it because i was fucking stupid and walked in the road when i should've have. o-kay?" tears fall out of his eyes rapidly, "you... you get it? i'm a fuck up with no purpose who can't even remember his own mum." 

"no louis, you don't get to be this way! it's not your fucking fault, okay? i could've stopped you, but i didn't! it's not your fault you can't remember! nobody was expecting that... i wasn't expecting that! but it's happened. and there's nothing we can do about it now... i'm... i'm sorry."

"don't be fucking sorry. you don't get to feel sorry."

"why not?" harry cries, "i'm not allowed to feel sad because the man i'm in love with can't remember me? he can't remember anyone. you're sad about it, aren't you? so let me be sad too... and let me say sorry." 

louis doesn't respond. he feels sick, very sick. he's unaware if it was the alcohol or the conversation him and harry were having. any mention of what happened makes him feel sick to the stomach. 

harry exhales loudly, and goes off to the sink to do something. louis doesn't know what. he just opens the back door again and sticks his feet out, letting the cold mornings breeze run through his hair. 

"i feel sick." louis admits. harry comes back with a bucket and a glass of water. 

louis pushes the bucket away. "no." something feels off. "i feel homesick."

"louis... but you are ho-"

"i feel homesick, but from a place i'm not even sure exists. where i understood... you know? where my heart was full and my body loved."

harry didn't quite get it. he was talking his thoughts aloud- his very confusing thoughts that harry guesses are only being said because of the alcohol. was louis saying he felt home-sick from harry? like harry was his home but it felt unfamiliar. louis doesn't love harry anymore, but he... wants to? harry's brain was going into overload. 

"drink." he says, lifting the glass of water up to louis' lips. louis only takes a mouthful before pushing it away. 

"i hate you, you know." 

"what?" harry knows louis is drunk, but it didn't hurt any less. 

"why are you taking care of me? why do you have to be so nice. i'm nothing but-" 

"don't finish that sentence." 

louis stands up, causing harry to flinch.   
"fucking leave it harry." he spits, "you know what i am." he pushes past him. 

"i'm getting in the shower." louis says, stumbling. you could smell the whiskey on him even if he was a mile away. 

"lou..." harry's voice is silent and soft, yet the grip on louis' wrist was tight. louis turns around, the squeeze so hard it left hand prints when harry lets go. harry doesn't say anything, and louis doesn't move. he doesn't know what to do... he doesn't know what harry is doing. 

harry wraps an arm over the back of louis and pulls him close. he just wants him to be okay. louis' stomach felt heavy, like he was going to fall to the ground at any point. it didn't feel right, harry was comforting him again. this wasn't what he wanted.

before harry could wrap a second arm around him, he is hit forcefully back, louis' hand pushing him in his chest.

"stop it." 

"why?" harry steps forward, "why can't i just make you feel better? you're pushing me away. i just want to help." harry would beg. he would beg all day just for louis to let him in. 

"you can't solve everything harry. you can't make everything okay just by saying it will be. you're acting as if this whole thing will pass and i'll... i'll suddenly be in your arms again. that won't happen, okay? fucking accept that." louis head is pounding. he just wants to get in the shower, so he could splash the cold water in his face just to feel something refreshing. this was exhausting. 

louis leaves. stumbling up the stairs and muttering things under his breath harry can't make out. for all harry knows, he could have been drunk too. his head is pounding and his legs feel shaky and he wants to cry for hours but his body feels drained. 

louis was right, though. harry thinks this will all die down soon. maybe he's just hoping for the best, he always tries to do that. his sister says that's the best thing we can do, hope the outcome will bring us happiness, because that's all we have at some point. harry takes a seat on the sofa, his blanket still ruffled as he pulls his head into his hands. he didn't see louis for hours after that. 

"i think he's upstairs, i... he..." harry stills feels guilty he didn't check on louis after the argument. he knows he would just push him away again, anyway. 

"oh harry, i'm so sorry. i'm sorry we're late, you know we live hours away and the traffic was horrible. i'm sorry. i'm so sorry about everything." johannah pulls him into a tight hug. it's obvious she hasn't been sleeping, the bags under her eyes visible. harry hugs her back just as tight, letting all the stress from earlier escape him... just a little. her brown hair is tied back messily, as two young girls push past her and come into view. 

"dais... phoeb."

"can we see him?" phoebe speaks up. she looks tired too, in comfy clothes and holding a few things from their family home. louis' mug, an old jumper and his slippers. louis always forgets his slippers at their house. phoebe and daisy have their necklaces around their neck, the ones harry and louis got them for their last birthday. they were so excited, only being ten and not owning much jewellery. the way they giggled and laughed as louis picked them both up in each arm, kissing their cheeks. but louis doesn't remember that. 

"he's upstairs." harry's voice sounds life-less. the two girls push pass him and run up the stairs, followed by lottie and fizzy. harry didn't blame them, he would've done the same thing. they just want to see their brother, up and well. the last time they saw him, he was passed out in a hospital bed as they clung to his hand. 

johannah watches them, a tear escaping her left eye, but she pushes it off her face before it can fall all the way down.   
"i'm sorry." she whispers, slipping passed and walking up the stairs too. harry takes the moment to hug his family and let out of few tears too. he has to be strong.

louis feels a hand push his hair back. his eyes are still closed and he figures it's harry. maybe he should let him have his moment, he probably still thinks louis is sleeping and just needs some peace. the hand brushes strands back, so soft, and louis feels like it's actually comforting. the type of comforts that makes you want to break down and cry. 

louis blinks his eyes open. the sunlight from the window is blinding him, making his head hurt more (if that was even possible), and the sheets beneath him are warm. the aching in his head flows like a cold tide, yet the pain stays there. he finally understands why they call it a hangover, for it feels as if his skull is going to close in on itself and squish his brains.

"louis?" 

he sits up, only to face a woman. her emotions are not easily hidden on her innocent face. her pain is evident in the creases of her forehead and the down-curve of her full lips. but she's beautiful. her eyes, with a deep pool of restless gold show grief. and as louis looked into her eyes, he knew. 

"mum?" the woman let out a relieved exhale, wrapping her arms tightly around louis' weak body. the sweet smell of jasmine lingers in the air so that when louis holds her back it shoots right through his nostrils. 

the arms holding him were soft, yet strong. the feeling of her body so close to his soothed him more than he had expected. louis doesn't want to leave. it felt as if all his pain went away in her arms- mental and physical, mostly the depressing pain.

"i'm so sorry. i'm so sorry." louis' voice is muffled as he clings onto his mother's back with all his will. 

"shhhhh, shhh." johannah pulls him away, wiping all his tears with her thumbs to calm   
him down. it worked. her fingertips softly comforting him. made his breathing less rushed and his tears didn't fall as fast. 

"it's okay, yeah?" johannah sniffles, brushing a bit of louis' hair off his forehead, "it's all going to be okay."

four pair of eyes meet louis' from behind his mother's shoulder. he lifts his head up, johannah turning around to look at the girls too. two twin girls with wet eyes and quivering lips meeting his. there's two other girls, one with newly dyed ombré hair and the other a little taller. they all look the same... well, they all look like louis. their blue eyes all the same shade, so vibrant and beautiful. 

one of the twin steps forward, in an oversized jumper that looked to be louis'. her hair is straight down but a little messy, and her eyes are red and puffy. louis wants to give her a hug. tell her he's sorry. anything. 

"these are yours." she whispers, her hands shaky and she hands louis a pair of worn-down slippers. louis puts his hands out slowly, taking them from her and smiling small. 

"thank you." he whispers back. she takes a step back again, slowly, not breathing. she's just staring; observing. seeing how louis reacts to everything. 

louis comes to a realisation: she's scared. she wants to hug him and talk to him but she doesn't know who louis is. she knows something has changed, she just wants to see how louis will act before going in head first. 

"come here." louis murmurs, bringing her close and wrapping his arms around her. she falls into the embrace, and louis exhales deeply. 

"i'm..." she looks at johannah, who nods in approval, "i'm daisy." she holds a hand out for louis to shake, who giggles and just wraps his arms around her again. 

"nice to see you daisy." louis whispers, closing his eyes tightly, pulling her closer as she finally lets go. it was her brother. her brother was here and he's hugging her back. 

there's a small cough, and daisy's twin is stood behind her. daisy pulls away slowly, turning to the girl who eyes are fixated on louis. her lips turn up and before louis can process anything she's jumping into his arms. 

louis makes a startled noise, but calms when he falls into her embrace.   
"phoebe." she says, pulling away and giving him a quick peck on his cheek. louis giggles, his hand around her waist.

"hello phoebe." this feels weird. introducing himself to his own siblings. it has to be done though, as strange as it feels. 

once she pulls away, louis brushes her hair out of her face and she stays staring, looking a lot happier than before. there's another girl stood in front of him, biting her lip nervously. she looks a little older than the twins, yet with the same shade of hair and piercing blue eyes. 

"féli- uh... fizzy." she shakes her head, finding this absolutely uncomfortable. 

louis stands up, not sure if she was going to hug him or what. she stays standing, looking at him intensively with her arms around her stomach. she exhales shakily, throwing her arms around him tightly. 

"i missed you, dickhead." she laughs in spite of herself, some tears falling as she sniffles. louis laughs too, because it feels more like his spirit. 

"i'm sorry." he mutters, "i'm so stupid."

"yes you are," fizzy laughs, "but that's you... and we love you, okay?" she pulls him away and holds his shoulders. 

"we'll get through this," she rubs his forearm, "we always do. like that time when you were picking the twins up from swimming and your car broke down. you were stuck on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere and where dais and phoeb were only in swimming costumes, you stripped all your clothes for them to wear so they didn't freeze." she laughs, "when we picked you up, you were only in your boxers and absolutely shivering. you were sick for two weeks. you got through it though."

louis snorts, the thought of him being stuck on the side of the road nearly naked. he can just imagine the looks he would have got. he would do it again though, just so daisy and phoebe would be warm and safe. yes, he doesn't really know them, but he's not heartless. he would do it again and again for them. 

"i'm always making dumb decisions." louis giggles, looking down, "i'm such an idiot, walking in the fucking road-"

someone scoffs. 

"lottie, we've been over this." johannah looks disappointed. louis looks over to the girl. she's the only one lacking behind, her arms crossed, looking extremely upset but also angry. 

"been over what? i've said it before. we're all pitying him when he was just being an idiot! if it was me, you would have a big talk with me about how i was being irresponsible! but because he's older he gets away with all that shit, because we all feel bad. well i guess it couldn't matter either way, because he doesn't remember me! he doesn't fucking remember any of us!" 

johannah stands up, "lottie-"

"no." she throws her arms up and walks out, slamming the bedroom door behind her. 

louis was upset, but not surprised. he was irresponsible and he was an idiot. she wasn't lying, but maybe she was just upset. the rest of his family rather accept it and appreciate what they have now. lottie in the other hand, was holding a grudge. maybe not so much for louis, but for that idiotic driver that hit him and sped off, taking everything louis had with him. 

when lottie gets downstairs she tries taking deep breaths, but it feels as if air is stuck in her throat. she coughs to try and get it out, only making more tears fall. 

"hey, hey," arms grab her shoulders, "what's up? shhhh, breathe... it's okay." 

"he doesn't remember anything, harry." she lifts her head up, "and they're in there giving him petty hugs like he hasn't just forgotten everything about them." 

"lottie, it's not his fault." harry tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, speaking to her softly because he knows how she's feeling. 

"i didn't say it was his fault i just-" she throws her arms up, "i hate it! don't you hate it? why aren't you mad?"

"lotts, i know it's bad. but there's nothing we can do, okay? you should be grateful louis is alive... i saw you, at the hospital. you thought you were losing him and i'll never get over the way you were. you didn't care about him being stupid and pushing me out of the way, you just wanted him to be alright... didn't you?" 

"yes harry but he is okay. he's okay and he's making out like this isn't a fucking big deal. it's a big deal to me." 

"of course he knows it's a big deal, he just wants to see you all first. he's trying to be strong." harry holds her shoulder, "i think you should go say hi... at the least." harry says, "he's trying his best, okay?"

lottie nods her head, "yeah... okay."


	4. Chapter 4

"mum, i'm okay." louis laughs, "i can feed myself." he takes the spoon from her and take a mouthful of the soup. she sighs, brushing his hair back very mother-like. 

it's been a few days, and lottie is still being distant. he understands, she's still upset with the whole situation. anyone would be. 

"you love this film, always had." johannah says. it's grease, playing loudly on the telly. harry is making cookies for everyone in kitchen and put it on for louis before. louis hasn't spoke to him much, just hasn't felt the need to. 

"it's really good." louis agrees, taking another mouthful of soup. 

"wait here." fizzy says, getting off the sofa and walking over to her backpack. she pulls out a camera and a photo album. 

"thought these would be good to show you." she says, sitting next to louis on the sofa. he puts his bowl next to him, taking the photo album in his lap to flip through.

louis' memories, good and painful, are only shown in photographs. i guess that's all he has now, ruffled old papers showing digital images. there is loads, mainly with his family and him as a child. he sees his mother's love and his sisters' spirit. 

"this is when you got your exam results." fizzy points to a picture of louis on his last day of school. he's stood with harry and zayn, all of their smiles wide as they hold their papers. 

"did i do good?" 

fizzy chuckles, "not too bad lou. enough to do what you wanted to do." 

"what did i want?" louis asks. 

"of course your results were a big deal... for your future plans and all, but i'm not going to lie to you. you weren't really into the whole education thing. you got suspended for getting your bum out once in drama rehearsal." she chuckles, and jay shakes her head in amusement. 

"and i wasn't happy about it." johannah adds lightly. 

"so that's what i wanted? to get my bum out in public situations?" louis laughs, what an idiot. 

fizzy hits his arm, "you just wanted to have fun, you know. that's where i get it from i think, you were just living life in the moment. saying 'yes' to everything just because you could." 

maybe that's a trait louis has lost. he wants to be that fun lad that just laughs it off, and live his life like it never happened. of course he's grateful for what he has, but in reality, this situation (word for word) is "really fucking shit."

daisy walks through the door, her hair tied back in a small bun and her hands still messy from making the cookies with harry. 

"i remember that time when all of my friends asked me if they could come over, and they spent the entire night playing mario kart with you in the living room because they wouldn't leave you alone." 

"we're you eavesdropping?" fizzy laughs. 

"yeah..." daisy climbs onto louis and sits on his lap, "what about it?"

louis chuckles at the girl, who dives her head into his chest sleepily.   
"we're you not mad?" he asks. 

"no," she says lazily, "it was fun and you didn't let them win." louis laughs, and she wraps her legs around him. she was right. louis would never let them win, no matter how much younger they were. maybe louis should try some video games soon, wouldn't hurt. 

"you tired?" he asks, rubbing her cheek. 

"mmh." she hums, "was stirring the mixture. think my arm's 'gonna fall off."

louis lets her cuddle into him, her eyes drifting off as he flips more through the photo album, looking over her shoulder. there's a lot of photos of liam and zayn, even dating to many years back, playing football and hanging round college. 

"this photo." louis blinks rapidly and sits forward, causing daisy to groan as she lifts her head. it's a photograph of louis and lottie, louis only looking around the age of fourteen. they're sat on a picnic table, eating hot dogs at a festival. 

"that day..." louis shakes his head, "it's all a blur but i remember something." jay and fizzy sit up in there seats, and daisy crawls off of him and sits down on the sofa. 

"what is it, lou?" jay asks, on the edge of her seat. 

"that was when you told us you were pregnant... with the twins." louis exhales, sinking back into his chair and blinking away the water welling in his eyes. he didn't even know if it was right, it just... it felt right. whilst looking away in confusion, he spots lottie in the doorframe, her eyes fixated on him and her mouth wide. louis doesn't know how's she's going to react.

it was the strangest feeling he's ever felt. he's been stripped of everything, and yet this one detail is flying around his head. buzzing right in his ear, and no matter how hard he tries to slap it away, he just can't stop it. louis has always known, he guesses. the picture from the day. louis doesn't remember where they were, or what they were doing, but he remembers. he remembers a pregnancy. he pulled the dots together, and woke himself up.

"how did you know that?" daisy asks. 

"i don't know... it just... makes sense." louis' eyes are glued to the wall, as he tries to come up with a reason for it. he can't. 

before louis can process it himself, lottie runs over and grabs the book, flicking through the pages rapidly. "this! do you remember this?!" shes pointing to a picture of them two on a holiday in greece, jumping into the pool. 

louis shakes his head, because he can't even take in what he's looking at. "no!"

lottie points to another, louis and jay stood outside a theatre. "what about this?!" 

"n-"

she doesn't even let him finish and flicks through some more, pointing and shouting louder, "do you remember this?!"

she points to another, "or this... or this!"

"no-" louis' eyes are blinking rapidly and his thoughts are accelerating inside his head. he wants them to slow down so he can breathe but they won't.

"what about this lou?!" she's pointing and flicking through just waiting for that moment when louis tells him he remembers her. "what about this- you've got to remember this! please tell me you remember this!"

louis cannot even answer a no at this point. his breaths are coming in gasps and he feels like he's going to black out. his heart is hammering inside his chest and the room spins as he blinks rapidly, just trying to make everything slow down so his brain and body can cope with it all. he feels so sick. 

"please lou! what about-"

"that's enough lottie." it's harry. louis' body can't even make itself turn around because he feels too terrible. 

"i know you're hurting, but you've got to remember that he's hurting too. you're freaking him out." harry is stood in the doorframe with phoebe hidden behind his leg. she looks scared and worried as she watches jay attempt to calm louis down. 

"i... i'm sorry i just-" lottie doesn't know what to say. 

harry just looks down at the floor and rubs phoebe's back. "why don't you go finish the cookies with anne and gemma, yeah?" he whispers to her. she nods silently and turns around, hurrying back to the kitchen. 

"you too, dais." 

daisy nods too, climbing off the sofa still looking worried, giving louis a sad face before she scurries out the room and passes harry. harry looks at everyone's faces. lottie is still taken back and looks regretful. jay and fizzy just look disappointed and louis... harry can't even make out what louis' looks like because his face is stained lightly with tears and he is hunched away from the boy. 

"i'll take him upstairs." harry whispers, receiving a nod from jay who backs away. 

louis sits up slightly, turning his head and looking up at harry. and louis' burning eyes said everything. 

only the brave allow people to see them so vulnerable, for trust takes strength. especially for louis. he cannot step out of his own cage until he's willing to unlock the door. maybe that's what allowing harry to carry him upstairs was- trust. trust that he would handle him with such care and stay in the room until he's peacefully asleep. louis trusted him in that moment, and the last thing harry would do was to be to break that trust. 

and so that's what happened, harry's strong arms carrying louis up the stairs and tucking louis into the sheets, with nothing but sympathetic eyes for him. maybe louis was too weak to push him away again. too tired and too exhausted to shout. well, he must have felt exhausted, because his thoughts didn't last long before he fell fast asleep. 

when louis awoke he felt slightly disoriented. he had to blink multiple times to see the room and then realised someone was holding onto his right hand. it was only a soft touch, but enough that made louis realise it wasn't just someone holding his hand for the sake of it.

"please forgive me." lottie. her eyes are soft and her voice slightly shaky. 

"how long have you been there?" louis uses his arms to sit himself up a bit. 

"three hours... we were supposed to leave tonight because we have to go back home but i convinced them all to stay to say goodbye."

louis edges over the bed, patting the space next to him to allow her to climb up. as soon as she sits down, louis pulls an arm over her and pulls her into his chest. 

"i'm so sorry lou. i really am. i've been selfish and just in my head about everything. i should have been thinking about you first before i went off on one about how mad i am. i'm not mad at you, i promise."

"it's okay to be mad at me lotts, i was being stupid. it's only my own fault." 

"i do care about you, though." she sits up to look him in the eyes so he knows she's serious. "you know that right? i never left that stupid hospital and missed two exams because of it. now if i don't go back to school to retake they'll give me a 0."

louis brushes her hair, "awh lottie. you shouldn't have done that." 

"i wish we could stay. i'm always missing you too much and now with all of this it's really shit." 

"well, mum has her job to do. you and the rest of the girls have to go to school so you can brag about how much smarter you are than me." louis chuckles. it's a rubbish situation, but making light of it seems best. 

"we'll visit as much as we can." louis doesn't know if he can trust that, because frankly it would be up jay, but nods anyway.

"visit whenever lottie, i'd always be happy to see you."

"so you're not mad?" she asks. 

louis brushes her hair again, shaking his head.   
"i'm not mad lotts, i know it's been tough."

"are you sure you're going to be okay?"

"i'm going to be okay." louis reassures, "i've got my medication, a comfy bed and all the ice cream in the world."

lottie smiles. "plus, you've got harry."

"yeah... i've got harry."


	5. Chapter 5

it's been a week since louis' family visited. a week since they all hugged him at the front door (including lottie) and promised they would be back soon and would keep in touch. louis sort of promised himself he would do something, like go for a walk or do something new. but had found himself inside all week, pushing harry away. 

"yeah, he's okay... i think." harry explains, reviving a nod from both liam and zayn. 

sometimes you meet a person and you just click: it's like you've know them you're whole life. nothing's fake and you don't have to pretend to be anything for them. 

that's what it's like for liam and zayn, they found that person: and that person was louis. he makes them laugh until they can't stop, until their bellies hurt and they want to cry. and when the world seems a little dull, louis will lift their spirits and makes the world seem bright and full. if they turn away for a while, he will follow and make sure everything's okay. louis won't leave them by themselves, and they know that. 

liam is more worried then ever. he's worried louis won't want to be his friend, he's worried that louis will dismiss everything he says. 

liam shed a lot of tears when he found out. well, they all did. you never think it's going to happen in your life, you never hear of it. zayn comforts them, he believes everything will work out. harry hopes zayn is right. 

but zayn has tough skin. he'll bring everyone up when in reality, he's the only one hurting. he wants everything to work out, he always does. maybe if he even has to make some sacrifices along the way. 

"have you seen him this morning? does he know we're here?" liam asks, seeming worried.

"he hasn't come down, yet. we have some bad days. everything blew up last week, and then his family came over. it's tough for him but he won't speak to me. well... he says hi to me in the mornings and then stays up in his room all day. i've tried to get him out, but he just stays up there and stares out the window. i bring him food he doesn't eat and sometimes i can hear him crying. i want to help him, but i don't know what to do. it breaks me." harry admits. 

"i'm sure he's just taking the whole situation in, harry. don't worry too much, he just needs time to adjust." zayn reassures. 

liam sighs, "does he not want to see us? i mean, we can leave i-" 

"no, no. it'll be good for him. i want him to ease up a bit, and that includes seeing you guys again." harry nods, hoping for the best. again. 

harry knocks on the bedroom door: their bedroom door. louis turns his head at the sound, he's sat on the bed, his hands in his lap. harry smiles crookedly at him, not wanting to scare him away with eagerness. 

"you feeling alright?" harry asks, which he thinks was stupid because he knows louis won't tell him the truth. 

"i'm okay." louis nods. he can't comprehend how stressful it is to explain what's going on in his head when he can't even understand himself. 

he hates himself for not wanting to be here, with harry. he should be excited and asking for answers. but he shuts himself away because he knows harry loves him, and he knows harry loves him a lot. what if harry says it one day and louis can't say it back? would harry be mad? louis doesn't want harry upset for something out of his control. 

"you don't have to if you don't want to, but liam and zayn are here to see you, they um... they miss you." when harry said 'they' he didn't just mean liam and zayn. he thinks louis knows that though. 

"um... yeah, okay." louis nods, causing harry to tilt his head slightly. 

"well alright," harry smiles, "i'll give you a minute." he shuts the door behind him, secretly celebrating.

when louis arrives back downstairs there's an awkward silence where zayn and liam take it all in. liam takes a weary step forward, taking louis' face in, the bags under his eyes visible and his lips staying in a straight line. 

"can i uh... can i hug you?" liam asks, and zayn goes to stop him but louis nods softly. 

liam exhales in relief, wrapping his arms over louis' small frame like he's been waiting for this his entire life. louis awkwardly wraps his arms back over him, closing his eyes slightly. harry can't help but feel a little jealous... louis hasn't hugged him.

liam pulls away, holding louis' face in his hands.   
"are you feeling okay?" he asks. 

louis is sick and tired of this 'okay' talk. no, louis isn't okay. people know that and yet they ask it again and again hoping something will change. it never does. 

"i've had better days... i think." louis responds, and for the first time in a while everyone laughs.

maybe it was easier to joke about that terrible incident than cry about it. maybe louis should just take everything lightly, but he knows it's not that easy. 

liam tearily exhales, yet happily- relived in a way. relieved he had his best friend back. 

zayn takes a step forward and smiles,   
"we've missed you." he says, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

louis shrugs his shoulders as the boys take a step away from him.   
"i'm sorry." he gets out. 

"sorry? lou, you don't have to be sorry." harry steps forward. louis thought harry sounded guilty. 

"no, no. i'm sorry," louis defends, "i'm sorry i can't remember our memories like you all want me to." he shakes his head. 

"it's okay louis, because we'll make new ones." zayn smiles, comforting the boy. 

louis looks down, "it's not enough."

"it has to be," liam says, "... it will be."

louis takes the words in. he guesses so, he guesses all these new memories will have to fill the void of the old ones. he doesn't understand why they're not mad. they should be frustrated and angry that he can't remember, right? 

yet here they are, hugging him and worrying about him. and he doesn't understand why. shouldn't they be shouting? 

"so... new memories yes?" zayn states, catching louis' attention as he nods. 

"if you're not busy then we can do something. next week, yeah? give you guys some space." liam says, picking his coat off the sofa. 

louis looks over to harry for approval. he doesn't know why really, because he knows harry just wants him to be happy. he knows if louis wants to, harry would agree. 

and just as expected, harry nods at him. 

"yeah," louis says, "yeah, we'll see you next week." he nods. 

"alright," zayn smiles, "we'll call."

liam and zayn left after that, and instead of the feeling of awkwardness left in the room, louis felt relaxed. he was a little nervous for next week, but at he same time he felt kind of excited. 

harry started making dinner, and louis decided he needed some time to get outside and get some fresh air. i guess all that time staying indoors was getting too much. 

louis knows he shouldn't shut himself out. he knows it's unhealthy to be so closed off. maybe over time he can open up to harry properly. he just needs time. 

"room for some company?" harry asks, shutting the outside door to their back garden, the sun just disappearing among the horizon. 

louis' head spins around, and harry hands him a plate of pasta.   
"thanks." louis nods, and harry sits down on the patio, letting his legs hang onto the grass. 

louis follows after, sitting down and taking in a mouthful of pasta. louis can't help but love the way harry's tongue comes in contact with his food before the fork enters his mouth. he smiles at the boy before being able to stop himself, receiving a smile back, harry's green eyes fixated on louis' expression. 

"i've missed that." harry mutters, smiling as he looks down. 

"missed what?" louis laughs. 

"your smile. the way crinkles by your eyes form when you do. just you... you looking happy." harry exhales. 

maybe that was too far, to compliment louis in ways he may not take seriously. but harry didn't care. harry is used to looking at louis, he's used to kissing him and complimenting him and telling him how much he loves him. this was a step for harry he had to take... he couldn't survive without it. 

louis looks down at his feet as harry takes another mouthful. louis thought harry was waiting for him to say something, but in reality harry was content with the peaceful silence. 

harry could only focus on louis. the way his smile was like summer, like light and warmth and happiness. he didn't need louis to say anything in that moment. he knew what he was thinking. 

"can we hug?" harry asks, still thinking about how louis and liam hugged earlier and he couldn't help but still feel jealous. harry felt stupid. he felt like a young boy asking his crush for a simple hug. but he knew this was what he wanted. a hug was all he needed. 

"maybe later." louis says, not wanting to look over at harry to see his hurt face. louis was prepared for harry to shout at him. tell him he's stupid for not being ready enough for a little hug. 

yet against what he was expecting, harry smiles.

"that's okay." harry nods, putting his plate next to him and placing his hands in his lap. they are under the same sky, at least.

"but why?" louis is confused. why does harry accept the fact he's doesn't want to hug him? don't people in love always crave each other's touch?

"because," harry looks at him again, "i can hold you in my heart, until i can hold you in my arms."


	6. Chapter 6

"what you doing out here?" harry asks, the bright light of the sky blinding him in the early hours of the morning. louis' hands are in the pockets of his joggers, his bare feet stood on the summer grass as he watches the sun.

"couldn't sleep," louis admits, "was just watching the sun come up."

harry walks up to him, inhaling the fresh mornings air, placing his hands in his pockets and mirroring louis' actions as he stands next to him.

"it's beautiful." harry says, unsure if he was talking about louis or the sun.

"it is." louis responds, smiling.

and finally the sun rose, filling the sky with shades of orange and pink. harry smiled. it was the start of a new day, and that meant another day being with louis.

sunlight fell onto them, pure scattered light; illuminating each spot of land in their garden. sparrows chirped on a single tree and with every breath inhaling louis' lungs, he wished time would halt for a moment. he was happy like this, stood by harry's side yet not trying to meet any of his needs.

"can i take you somewhere today?" harry asks, causing louis to fall out of his trance and look over to him.

louis knew this was coming. he couldn't help but bite his lip, eyes everywhere but on harry. harry then moves closer with those eyes that look so deeply into louis'.

"it was our spot." harry says, smiling.

louis' breathing becomes softer, the pensive look melting into a smile as soft as the morning light. his body squirms just a little and his muscles relax. there was something about that gaze of harry's that he'll never understand what does to him, as if in that moment he feels suddenly safer.

"it was?" couples having little spots was universal, but louis never thought people actually had them.

"what is it?" louis asks.

"you can come find out?" harry suggests, trying to hide his smile. louis just nods, looking back up to harry.

"okay." he looks down at his feet and takes his hands out of his pockets, clicking his knuckles.

"we'll go later then." harry nods, grinning widely because he couldn't hold it in anymore.

as the day progressed, louis felt more and more excited for going with harry to their spot. he couldn't quite get a grip on why, because for the past week he's hardly spoken to the boy. louis guesses that all this time not knowing so many unanswered questions was bothering him.

when harry decides to leave, he goes to call for louis but finds him sat in his seat, strumming at the guitar and quietly singing blackbird by the beatles.

harry didn't want to interrupt. he felt his only option was to listen from a distance. louis' voice was smooth and clear and quiet yet powerful. soothing, in a way. it was beautiful, it always has been. harry wants to cry. it sounds stupid, but this is the first time he's heard louis' voice since the accident.

he misses the way louis would sing to him in the early hours of the morning. harry would lay on his bare chest, letting the sheets fall over his naked back, and louis would draw circles in his curls. his singing was always beautiful, like an angel, and harry wished that he would never stop.

"blackbird singing in the dead of night... take these broken wings and learn to fly." louis continues, and harry closes his eyes.

"all your life." louis sings as harry stays listening.

"you were only waiting for this moment to arise..."

"you were only waiting... for this moment to arise."

"you were only waiting for this moment to arise." louis finishes, slowly strumming the guitar once more before sighing.

"you always used to sing that song." harry says, receiving a startled yelp as louis looks up to face him.

"... sorry, didn't mean to startle you." harry apologises, laughing.

"it's okay." louis says softly, his voice only coming out as a whisper. _had he been there the entire time?_ louis feels embarrassed.

"that was the first song i ever heard you sing, you know. you were eighteen and sleeping round and i couldn't sleep... so you sang it to me." harry says, smiling at the thought of how his best friend at the time was sending him to sleep with his singing.

"i did?" louis laughs lightly looking down, "guess i really liked you then." louis never would have sung if he knew harry was there. it's weird not being comfortable around someone you used to share everything with.

harry chuckles under his breath, knowing louis did more than 'like' him.

"you ready to go?" he asks.

"to the spot?" louis catches his gaze, slight hope in his eyes. harry nods, his keys in hand.

louis smiles. that goddamn smile that harry can't ignore, making his heart skip a beat. it made harry feel full and warm, and he felt himself falling in love with the boy all over again.

they left straight away, louis staring out the window to try and get a glimpse of the scenery. there was not much to see though, just some lone shops and cafés surrounding the wood.

"where are you taking me?" louis laughs, sitting back into the seat.

"patience is a beautiful thing, you know." harry turns the car, mentally laughing because he hasn't been great with patience either.

harry parks on the side of the road, a path going straight into the forest at their feet. louis looks at harry in confusion, only for harry to nod at him in approval.

louis walks through first, following the trail and looking around at the scenery before him. the sun sinks down beneath the tops of the pines creating shadowy beams. they are white and gold, illuminating onto the mossy forest floor. the gift of the warmth is slowly passing as the sun starts to go down.

"this is it?" louis asks, looking up to harry as they walk through.

"c'mon." harry encourages, going to hold louis' hand but stops himself, clenching his fist next to him, and sighing under his breath without realising.

louis looks down at harry's hand, stepping over to him and slowly taking his hand in his. harry looks down at their hands slightly shocked, before looking back at louis who is quiet and smiling. louis didn't realise how much that little gesture meant to harry.

harry takes him through the forest until they're in a secluded area. there is water that flows quietly until it meets the sharp, rocky slopes and form into a lake.

harry walks over and sits down on the worn down bench. their worn down bench.

**"one day, we'll carve our initials into this bench, i promise you that." louis says, relaxed as the rain falls.**

**"louis. tough skinned on the outside, a complete softie on the inside." harry laughs, leaning his head on louis' shoulder.**

**"only for you." louis mutters, dazed and filled with happiness as harry brings his perfect pink lips to his.**

harry runs his fingertips over the base of the now-rotting wood. he doesn't want to seem selfish but he wishes he could just go back to that. back to when louis loved him and they were happy. back when nothing could tear them apart, and when the world was a lot simpler.

"you promised me we'd carve our initials into this one day." harry speaks, breaking the silence.

"that makes sense. i mean, i'm a hopeless romantic right?" louis crosses his feet amongst the leaves.

harry laughs causing louis to look up at him again. the laugh came from harry had louis mesmerised. the way he rolled his green eyes to the sky and half bit his lip. and before he could stop himself, louis' poker straight mouth twitched upwards and he was now giggling too.

"what?" louis giggles, hitting his arm.

"you always would deny it, that's all." harry rolls on his seat, "i would always call you that." harry likes it this way. he likes how louis may be wiped of all memory, but he's still louis.

harry finally stops laughing, sighing happily as they listen to the water droplets from a nearby rock fall into the lake.

"well i can see why this is our spot. it sure is relaxing." louis says softly, looking up to the sky, it's sun starting to turn in for the day.

"it was your idea. we used to come here as kids to the abandoned cottage down the trail. i can show you it soon if you want," harry coughs lightly, "there's a lot of memories in that little cottage." when harry said 'memories' he meant everything. their first kiss was in that cottage. that cottage was where harry told louis he loved him. he just wasn't sure if louis wanted to know that yet.

"yeah, i would like that." louis smiles, wanting to grab harry's face and pull it up. he hated how harry looked sad talking about their memories. it's not his fault the man he loves can't love him back because of a stupid accident. he wanted to apologise to harry, but he's already said the words a million times, so he doesn't think they would mean much.

the sunset blossoms upon the horizon as if a million scarlet blooms ignited. louis watches it, all the colours in the sky reflecting onto harry's perfect skin. yet harry was shy of interest in the sun, his eyes glued to his knuckles as he rests his elbows on his knees.

"penny for your thoughts?" louis speaks, not wanting to be the reason harry's so down.

"just thinking about everything, really," harry looks up to meet his eyes with louis before looking back down and shaking his head, "i've just missed you, that's all. i know it's selfish but i can't help but miss you. don't blame me, okay?" harry told louis he missed him, so simple but he knew his meaning behind it was much bigger.

"tell me about it, then. don't shut it all out." louis boldly says, and he's not quite sure why because his brain was running from this. he didn't want to hear about harry's feelings towards him. he knew they were there, he always had. just hearing them was a state of reality for louis; and that was something he was utterly terrified of.

"really?" harry turns to louis, receiving a small nod. there was no going back now.

"okay," harry continues, "how about this. i cannot find the will to not miss you. it's stupid because you're here right in front of me... but it's not you. it's not us. i miss the way your voice sounded in the middle of the night. i miss the way your lips felt pressed to mine. the way you looked when you were sleeping next to me... the way you made everything okay. it's killing me, the way i crave your touch... but i can't touch what i see."

louis felt extremely guilty. he knew that was not harry's intentions, yet he couldn't help but feel it anyway. louis felt selfish, depriving something from someone that needed it so much. louis had understood before. he understood that people in love always craved each other's touch. but this is a different understanding. now he knows that harry has always felt this way, but had been holding it in, just so louis could be comfortable.

"harry." louis gets out.

"what?" harry says firmly. he doesn't know what to do with himself. maybe it was too early to be coming to a place that meant so much to him.

"can i hug you now?" harry looks up. this was certainly not what he was expecting.

"what?" he asks, his arms frozen in place.

"the other day. you wanted to hug me and i just... i want to hug you... now."

harry doesn't need to do anything else. frankly, he couldn't have done anything else. harry pulls louis closer to him, wrapping his arms around him tightly.

louis thought his embrace was warm, and his big, strong arms seemed very protective when wrapped around his frail body. the world around him melts away as he squeezed him back, surprisingly, not wanting the moment to end.

harry knew louis' cuddles are the only antidote he had to this world. he needed louis to wrap him in his arms and never let go, keeping harry safe and warm. and in return, harry promised to never let go of him, to love him, defend him and keep him safe; even if he couldn't promise the same things back. if in all this cold world there is only louis harry can truly love, it is enough.

because louis' arms felt so familiar. they felt like getting in from the cold and drinking something hot. like cuddling under the sheets, letting nothing but body warmth keep their happiness. harry never wanted to let go, but he knew he had to soon, and that thought only made him sink into louis' safe arms further.


	7. Chapter 7

the sand is softly golden with just the right comforting warmth. harry looks to rest on the beach, the summer sunshine filling the sky.

"thanks for agreeing to meet us." liam says, catching harry's attention to see he's talking to louis.

"no, it's okay, i wanted to come." louis whispers into the breeze, his eyelids fluttering closed as he breathes in the salty smell of the sea. he crunches his toes, feeling the softness of the sand, still damp from the retreating tide. he loves the beach. he finally understands everything about it. the smell, the breeze, the sun. everything about it is so peaceful.

"you don't mind?" zayn asks, surprised louis is so relaxed.

"no, not at all, it's nice here." louis smiles. he wasn't lying. he liked the scenery and didn't mind meeting liam and zayn. that's the difference between them and harry: they just enjoy his presence. still, he's worried he isn't doing things right- but it's easier with them- he can't deny it.

louis looks over to harry. he's smiling, gazing into the far off horizon, the flaming sun melting into the sky. truth be told, harry felt happy. he's with his best friends, sat on the sand, only a few steps from the ocean, just like what they used to do.

_**"put me down!!" harry giggles, shaking his legs as louis carries him over his shoulders.** _

_**"i told you you would regret calling me weak!" louis laughs, patting harry's bum to make him giggle further, stepping until his feet hit the cold water.** _

_**"i'm sorry!" harry tries to talk but he can't breathe as louis starts to tickle him. louis goes to run into the water, but harry shakes his legs more so louis stops teasing and slowly lowers him to the ground. louis gives him wide eyes and harry knows what to do.** _

_**"yes, louis. you are extremely tall and strong." harry says, sounding robot like.** _

_**"good boy," louis giggles, "you are forgiven." louis kisses his lips, feeling harry's smile as he does.** _

harry feels someone's eyes on his, snapping him out of his trance and turning his head to see louis looking at him, fascinated.

"what?" harry laughs, blushing as louis softly smiles at him. louis doesn't say anything, just smirks.

"what?" harry repeats, laughing even more.

"i'll race you to the water." louis says, his lips turning upwards, before he stands up and takes his top off.

harry steps up to his feet, watching mesmerised as louis throws his top to the floor. his tanned tummy is glowing like honey, and looks as if his skin would be softer than silk if you touched it. louis turns around and stretches, his shoulders flexing as he does. harry finds his eyes trailing down his defined spine, leading down to the dimples on his lower back. and wow, how beautiful he is. louis turns back to look at harry, and harry's eyes leave his body to look back up at him.

harry can't even comprehend how deprived he is from touching louis. he always loved to touch him- not always in a sexual way, just his face, his hands, his beautiful brown hair that quiffs a little at the front. and now each time before parting, the aching to be in louis' arms would begin anew. so seeing louis' bare tummy after being apart for so long, made harry want to trail his fingertips all over him.

when harry's with him, it's like he's split in half. half of him is on fire, going crazy he's not touching him. the other half is calm and peaceful, just perfectly content, knowing in the end, louis is the one for him.

“you ready?" louis asks liam and zayn, only to see they're both looking at harry open mouthed. harry looks down at them, and they look slightly amused, obviously realising how much harry was checking the boy out.

louis goes silent, looking back to harry who just smiles awkwardly.

"what's going on?" he asks, looking between the boys.

"caught you off guard!" harry shouts, running as fast as he can to the water, taking his top off as he runs and throwing it down wherever. without hesitation, he plunges into the blue-green water. a chill surges through him, but a small wave washes it away. the cool water laps at his feet, fizzing and bubbling at the contact. harry laughs and paddles further and further as the waves come tumbling towards him. he turns around, laughing when he spots the boys running after him.

louis finally joins him in the water, it coming up to his chest as he splashes water at harry.

"hey!!" louis shouts, laughing.

"not a sore loser are you?" harry teases, receiving another splash in his direction. liam and zayn just giggle at the boys.

the sun beats down on their backs, beaming in louis' eyes, and he can't help but smile as the wind caresses his face. they spend an hour or so laughing and jumping over the waves that roar and roll down, crashing onto the shore with soft hisses.

"hey louis." liam catches louis' attention, who's climbing out of the water and wrapping a towel around his body, shivering from the breeze.

"yeah?" louis looks up to him.

"want to walk with me?" liam asks, signalling his head down the beach.

"sure." louis nods, watching zayn and harry walk off as he catches up with liam. he begins walking alongside him, loving the way his barefoot soles feel against the sand, kicking it up as the wind flies it away.

"i just wanted to check on you, see how you're doing." liam says wearily, worried louis would take it the wrong way. it's strange, liam knows the ins and outs of how louis acts, but recently it's been different.... _unpredictable_.

"i've been oka-"

"and don't lie to me." liam interrupts.

"what?" louis looks up to liam, biting his lip.

"look, i've known you for five years. i can tell when your lying." liam laughs.

"sorry i just-"

"i know louis, it's okay. i just want to let you know that i'm here for you. i know you've been shutting yourself out recently, and i just want you to know that you can talk to me... about anything and everything."

louis exhales. he thinks it's a good idea to open up to liam. tell him how he's scared with the whole harry situation, and yet he can't help but look away. he mentally stops himself, feeling stupid and vulnerable. it's time louis. he can help you.

"anything?"

liam chuckles under his breath, "anything, louis."

okay, louis thinks. be honest and straight to the point. it's simple, right?

"i'm not in love with harry." he blurts out.

liam laughs, leaning over slightly, "i would be worried if you were."

"what?" louis looks over to him, confused.

"i know you're not in love with harry, silly. technically, you haven't known him all that long."

"but... i've known him since i was eighteen?" louis questions, not knowing where this is going.

"you've loved him since you were eighteen too. but that has nothing to do with what's going on now." liam tries to explain the boy, smiling slightly at the memories of the couple.

louis looks to the sandy floor, and liam sighs carrying on, "look." liam stops walking and holds his shoulders, forcing him to look up. "harry's memories of you won't fade, but the boy isn't stupid. he knows that you don't love him... put it that way. god, how he wishes you would just jump into him arms and cry about how much you care for him, but he knows that's not going to happen. stop worrying about it too much, harry knows more than you give him credit for."

louis sighs because liam is right. of course harry misses the old him. well, a little more than miss. but harry knows if he showed how much he loves louis, louis would run away.

"jeez you're good at that." louis laughs, turning away to carry on walking.

"good at what?"

"analysing situations. how'd you do that?" louis shakes his head in fascination.

"oh please. anyone could tell. you should have seen the way harry's been looking at you all afternoon... i'm surprised he's keeping his cool. and i'm even more surprised you haven't noticed. i know you've been quiet recently, but you're not blind. open your eyes." liam giggles, kicking an old squashed sandcastle on the shore.

"he... what?"

"as you may have picked up on, harry's over the moon for you. and you too, were once over the moon for him. imagine if the man you loved suddenly didn't love you anymore, and you still had to live with them and watch them do everything without you. harry went from sharing everything with you, to nothing. it's tough..." liam trails off, realising he's never fully put himself in harry's position like this before. it's a horrible feeling.

"that's what i've been thinking about. i'm trying to put myself in his shoes but i can't put a finger on it. it's so frustrating. you should have seen how he acted the other night."

"how did he act? what happened?" liam sounds worried and louis has no idea why. louis has never felt guiltier. because, here harry's best friend is, worried, before louis even told him what happened. shouldn't louis be feeling like that?

"um, he took me to the forest and-"

"the bench?... the cottage?" liam interrupts.

"uh, the bench." louis says, confused by the sudden expression of familiarity.

"he didn't do anything stupid did he?" liam squints his eyes.

"no... why?" louis has no clue what this bench and cottage has got to do with anything. he knew the bench was where they went a lot... but this cottage is confusing.

"that place means- meant a lot to you guys, i was worried he sprung a move on you or something... i guess not." liam chuckles.

"no, uh i did." liam goes to interrupt louis in excitement but louis speaks up again to prevent it, "it was just a hug, but i knew it meant a lot to him."

"you guys cuddled?" liam melts at the thought. not in a weird way, he just misses his two best friends being in love. like zayn told him, _harry and louis are made for each other. and them apart, just doesn't make any sense._

"it's just," louis has trouble speaking, "he was telling me how much he missed the old me and i felt guilty. i know harry loves me, and i was scared he thinks i love him back. and the sad truth is that i can't find the will to. maybe in time... maybe. i didn't want to hold myself back from him. i knew it was torturing him, and i figured a hug wouldn't be too bad... and i knew it would mean a lot to him. you should've seen the way he squeezed his arms around me and never let go like he was afraid i would back away... want to know the strange thing though?" louis babbles on to liam, because liam feels safe to talk to. he notices how liam always listens to him, like he was fully invested in what louis was saying and wanted to help him with any problems he had. louis sighs, maybe liam is just a great actor, but he doesn't know. it feels real.

"what?" liam mumbles, so quiet he was surprised louis could even hear him. liam felt it was nice having a conversation with louis. a proper one anyway, instead of a simple hi.

"the strange thing is that i didn't want to let go. i may not remember what harry's arms felt like, yet they were somehow familiar. i wanted to cling onto his shirt and never let go. it was scary. it's like my head is telling me to run, but my body wants to stay behind and figure out what limits i can push."

"maybe your head should start listening to your body more," liam laughs, "it's normal to be scared. i would be too, but i genuinely think this will all pass, and you'll realise how much you and harry are meant for each other."

and so, liam and louis caught back up with the boys. and in that moment, louis thought he would sit on the beach and watch the sun go down with harry. even if his brain was a little scared, his body wanted it more than ever. and as the darkness towered over them, they cuddled under the stars, a blanket wrapped around them, warm and cozy.

harry wishes he could extend the night just so he could stay close to louis for longer, safe in his embrace. louis' arms wrap right around him, bringing a peace he felt every time before. that's what gave him hope for their future together. even that tiny embrace gave him hope that somewhere in the near future... louis could learn to love again. but harry didn't want to think about that right now. so, he just watches the boy's perfect smile and button nose, his beautiful blue eyes brighter than the ocean.

there is now a million stars in the sky, and yet harry is still looking at him.


	8. Chapter 8

harry feels a warm layer of cloth fall over his body. the sofa is uncomfortable under his weight, has been every night he sleeps here. but the blanket radiates his own warmth and he lets his fingers feel the strong fabric, his eyes slightly blinking open. he looks around, rubbing his eyes, pulling the blanket up further as he sits up slightly. 

"oh, i'm sorry, i didn't mean to wake you." louis' soft voice causes him to open his eyes fully, where a lovely sight awaited him. there stood petite louis. his soft, ivory shoulders were exposed and his brown hair fell onto his forehead. his lips were carefully tinted red and his skin was flawless. louis' bright blue eyes shone directly to him, looking softer than usual.

"no, it's okay." harry smiles at the little gesture, causing louis to smile back, bringing a mug of tea over in his direction.

"what's this for?" harry asks, confused as to why louis is suddenly being nice. he's been pretty nonchalant with everything lately. nonetheless, harry takes the mug from him and takes a sip.

louis has been thinking a lot, especially about what liam said to him. he guesses he'll never find his feelings toward harry if he never gives it a a try. so, he's decided to start paying attention more, and he's going to start making harry happier- since he's the reason for his sadness anyway.

louis sits next to him on the sofa, "you've been taking care of me a lot recently, and i haven't really said thank you. so... thank you." louis says quietly, looking down.

harry edges closer to the boy, taking a finger and lifting his chin up slowly, meeting his eyes with his. he can't help but look at his perfect lips and fight the urge to kiss them. but he knows he would only do that to comfort louis, and he's not sure if that would do the trick quite yet.

"don't feel guilty," harry softly says, "i know it's been tough on you."

"yeah..."

louis grabs harry's hand and pulls it away, "but it's been tough on you too, i'm sorry i'm not there enough for you."

"don't worry about it, i knew it was going to be like this, but we can work through it, okay?" harry comforts, lying slightly, because in reality, harry had no idea how louis was going to act.

"okay." louis nods, not knowing what to do. he wants to work through it, but he can't help but wonder if it's even worth it.

harry takes a final gulp from his mug and places it down, "i would make you one too, but i know someone who's a lot better at making your tea." harry smiles.

"what?" louis looks over to him.

"if you want i can take you to the café down the road. you love it there and you can see lori... robin's been dying to see you." harry trails off, realising louis doesn't know who these people are.

"who-"

"sorry, um... lori is the café owner, and her granddaughter is robin. robin's parents passed away when she was only three, and since then lori's been taking care of her. robin loves you... she's always there when we visit." harry's voice only comes out as a whisper, unaware of how louis is taking in this information. harry loved going to see robin. mainly, just loved the way louis would act with her. when robin's parents passed, robin was confused and scared. but louis was there for her, every step of the way. and how harry's heart melted when louis held her and told her everything was going to be okay.

"of course, you don't have to go. robin will be confused, she's only six and wouldn't fully understand what's happened." harry says, not wanting louis to feel uncomfortable. louis realises he can't put everything off. if lori and robin want to see him, that's what he'll do. i'm sure if the incident never happened, he would jump at the chance to see them, and that's what harry wants, so why not.

"no, for sure i'll come. if robin wants to see me i won't hold her off." louis smiles at the thought of a happy little girl looking up to him like his other siblings. it gives him happiness.

louis goes upstairs to grab a shower, letting the water pour down and his mind fade into dullness, letting everything become a foggy illusion. the sensation of the steamy water calms him; it takes his mind of things. and that's exactly what he needed right now: being with harry made louis feel happy and warm, and that was something he was fighting. i guess today with the blanket and the tea... that was just being nice, he's sure of it.

harry heard the water from downstairs, wishing he was with him. how he misses taking long steamy showers where they would do nothing but giggle and hug, kissing every inch of each other's body and washing out each other's shampoo. he just misses louis. louis louis louis. it's all he can think about.

harry gets dressed and washed up, ready to leave and dropping lori a quick message to say they would be round. the poor woman had only got the hang of texting, so when she messaged back a couple confusing emojis harry laughs.

everyone on the street had already knew about louis' accident, sending flowers and what not. news gets round fast, and lori already knew. she'd told harry how she tried to tell robin, but the girl was a little clueless.

louis' small cough catches harry's attention from his phone, realising he's wearing a jumper harry got him a couple christmas' back, making him beam.

"what?" louis laughs, sweeping his slightly damp hair off his face, loving the way harry looked that happy. the way his dimples formed and his eyes squinted, that alone made louis weak.

"i like that jumper, that's all." harry chuckles under his breath and walks passed louis, taking his keys and opening the door, letting louis go first.

they both get into the car, harry putting the keys in the ignition as louis puts on the radio. he quietly sings when he catches the words, which only makes harry look over at him and fond, causing louis' cheeks to redden.

when they step out of the car, louis looks up immediately, the small café coming into view. louis likes the look of it, it's cosy and inviting. he glances over to harry for a second, receiving a small nod, his lips fighting a smile.

louis doesn't say anything, just steps up to the little cobble step, looking at the the cute 'open' sign before opening the door, warmth hitting him straight away. the ambience of the café: its sweet, honey scent filling louis' nostrils, coaxes an inner smile he was holding.

harry closes the café door behind him, the gust of wind caught in the door blowing past him. the aroma of coffee causes him to walk up to the counter, a selection of baked goods and cakes on display.

"oh my god!" a woman says excitedly, causing louis to look up from admiring the pastries. the woman stood behind the counter was old. not the kind you pity with their old bones and feeble limbs, but the kind who could still do everything she loved to do thirty years ago. she stood quite short and slim, her hair still long and grey, neatly straight against her shoulders. her face is made up with discrete make-up, yet making sure not to cover any of her freckles.

"lou!" she says, running around the counter and rubbing her hands in the apron sat on her waist. she slowly walks up to louis, who's stood still, holding his cheeks in her hands like he is the sun, and she has to appreciate his presence.

"lori?" louis asks, slightly amused.

lori takes her hands off his face, grinning widely, "how you been doing? i'm so sorry louis." she looks down, suddenly looking sad. harry doesn't like seeing her this way, she's always so happy and high spirited. so harry takes an arm over her waist, comforting her as she looks up to him and smiles.

"no... i mean i'm sorry. i'm sorry i don't remember everything and all." louis hates apologising for it, but he has to, and he does... every time.

"oh, honey you don't have to apologise. it was an accident, nobody saw it coming. you just can't get away from me now, okay," lori giggles, "you'll have to visit recently or i'll have to steal you away."

"i will." louis laughs, feeling a sense of family from the woman. how she's caring for him, but also can make jokes here and there.

"robin made biscuits especially for you, she's been really shy actually, i'll try to get her to come see you. i think she's a bit scared." lori sighs.

"don't worry if she doesn't want to see me, we can always come again." louis comforts, because he was scared to see the girl too.

"don't worry about it." lori says, turning on her feet and walking into the kitchen. when lori comes back out, there's a little girl hid behind her as lori holds her shoulder.

"it's okay, robin. it's lou." lori rubs the girls arm.

robin slowly moves into view, looking nervous. louis bends his knees to her height, noticing her high cheek bones, small nose, bright green eyes and curly brown hair. her gaze turned straight into louis' eyes, like her eyes were welling up. she's rather petite and dainty. delicate, if you will. louis looks at the girl before she relaxes and smiles slightly at him. she was pure and had spirit- and louis could already feel protectiveness for her.

"lou-lou?" robin gets out quietly, "it's really you? you haven't changed?" she asks, taking a step forward.

"it's really me, robin." louis smiles, and he's taken back when her little arms wrap around him tightly without warning, resting her head on his shoulder and exhaling.

when she pulls away, she's looks happier and brushes some of louis hair out of his face.

"lori said you changed," she takes louis' chin and focuses on all his features, "but you look the same."

"i have changed, slightly. i'm still louis, i just might act a bit differently, that's all." louis says, smiling despite this was all quite emotional.

robin slightly pouts her lips into an 'o' like she understands, before meeting their eyes again. "will you still watch lion king with me soon?" she asks, thinking that's the only thing she needs.

"yes," louis stands up and touches her head, "me and harry will with you, very soon."

robin looks up to him, "okay... but you promise not to cuddle him the entire time? you weren't even watching it last time!" harry giggles, and louis looks over to him, blushing and feeling embarrassed.

harry speaks up, "we'll actually watch it next time, i promise." he laughs, and robin walks up to him and gives him a tight hug around his legs.

"okay..." she walks away and comes back with a tub of something, "here's your cookies." she hands them up to harry, who has to lean down a lot to reach the girls height. he kisses the top of her hair once, smiling.

"thank you." harry laughs under his breath, before looking back to lori who's smiling.

"you guys grab a seat, i'll grab your drinks." she says, and harry nods at her as she pulls robin aside. harry decides on a window seat, because he loved the way how the light beams would fall onto louis' skin in the summer. he loved coming here with louis in general, it was where they came on one of their first dates... officially.

_**"what do you want to order?" harry asks, looking out at the blossomed buds of lavender out the window.** _

_**"are you kidding?" louis laughs, meeting his eyes with harry's playfully, "you've known me this long and you don't know what i order?"** _

_**"well... um, yorkshire tea with milk... no sugar." harry says a bit wearily.** _

_**louis laughs, "if you knew what i was ordering, why'd you ask?"** _

_**"just trying to make conversation i guess." harry bites his lip and laughs awkwardly, looking down. but the feeling of louis' feet intertwining with his under the table, snapped him out of his embarrassment as louis beams at him, scrunching his nose.** _

_**"it was cute."** _

"you okay?" louis' voice snaps him out of the memories swirling his head.

"yeah, just um... thinking." harry says, shaking his head.

"you do that a lot." louis laughs, feeling curious and wanting to know why harry is always thinking... and if he was thinking about him.

harry doesn't respond, noticing the rain starting to trickle on the window. so much for the light beaming at louis.

"um... what's lori getting me?" louis asks, realising how she went to get them drinks, and louis doesn't have a clue on what she's getting.

harry looks back to louis straight away, smiling, "yorkshire tea with milk. your favourite." he whispers.

"no sugar?" louis asks.

"no sugar." harry nods.


End file.
